HOME    |   ABOUT US   |   INTAKE PROCEDURE   |   VOLUNTEER   |    DONATE   |   VIRTUAL TOUR   |   CONTACT US     

Resources for Parents

If you've visited our site as a parent in crisis, we want you to know that we understand. You are not alone.  Many parents have been in your shoes.  A crisis can be a turning point, a fork in the road, a place where we come to realize that the road we've been on is not taking us where we want or need to go.  This is an opportunity for growth.

Finding peace in your situation is the answer to solving the problem.  God told us in Hebrews 13:5 "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."  He is with us always. 

Experts have observed that there is a cycle in the crisis relationship between teenagers and their families.  The crisis grows, escalates to a boiling point, then settles down and later resurfaces in a pattern that grows into larger problems, involving emotions and behaviors that the family can't tolerate.  During the periods of normalcy, we tend to believe that we've managed to overcome the problems.  Teenagers often become remorseful of their previous behaviors and as parents, we hope for the future.

Then it blows!  And the cycle continues.  It's time to make a change in the way things have been working!  Perhaps the hardest step is that first step, where we must face the facts that in order to solve this problem, we are going to have to change something.  Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity was to keep doing the same things, expecting different results.  So, let's consider some ideas.  We realize that your circumstances are unique and it is impossible for a single page on a website to offer you every answer to every problem, but our goal here is to cause you to pause and think, just for a moment to decide if there are things that you can do to build better communication between you and your child.

These are just some concepts for you to consider:

CHANGE YOUR PARENTING IDEALS:
 

LOVE NEVER FAILS!
1 Corinthians 13 in our Bible explains to us that love is patient and kind, not envious, proud, rude, self seeking, easily angered and keeps no record of wrong.  Love doesn't delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth and it always protects, trusts, and preserves.  Love never fails.  A crisis can threaten the relationships of those that are closest to us, but we must always extend love in our motives, words, actions, especially our discipline.  Your child must always know that you love him or her even if you don't approve of their behavior.

SETTING LIMITS THAT ARE APPROPRIATE AND CONSISTENT
Have you set limits that are reasonable, and enforceable?  Are you being consistent in the way that you apply those limits in the way you discipline?  Does your child know and understand the limits that are there?

MANAGE YOURSELF FIRST
If you lose control of yourself, how is it possible for you to expect that your child should be in control of their behavior?  As a parent, you will need to be able to assist your child in a crisis situation if you are not in control of your own behavior.  Let's remember that your words and actions need to show your child that you understand, even if you don't agree; confirming that he/she is valued by you.  If you maintain an atmosphere of support and open communication, you will allow different points of view to be shared in a manner that can be discussed.

TRY TO IDENTIFY THE SOURCE OF THE PROBLEM
Each of us see life through our own lives.  Perception is reality to your child, even if he is wrong.  If you can sit down and talk openly about how each see's the problem, perhaps you can determine what the source of the problem is.

ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS REALISTIC?
Life experiences have provided you an insight that you might expect in your child, and the children today have such peer pressure on them, that it is sometimes difficult for our children to understand what our expectations are.  As parents, we must remember to set clear expectations, that our children are capable of meeting.

CONSEQUENCES
Are there real and consistent consequences to bad behavior?  Threats, shouting and failure to follow through on consequences only breeds more bad behavior in the future.  However it's important that you respond versus react.  Reacting to negative behavior focusing on controlling the child, while responding is putting the focus on the negative behavior in a manner to encourage self control.  It's important that your child knows that there will be consequences for his behavior.  One successful parent said the secret to her success was that she said YES as often as possible, but she never backed down from NO.  No had consequences and her children knew it.

PRAISE SUCCESS
Success feels great and it's even better when you know that you parents are proud of you.  Praise can give you confidence to help overcome fears for dealing with problems and conflicts on other levels.  So praise where possible.

FIND A SUPPORT SYSTEM
Joining a church and seeking out the support of Christians will give you support to help you deal with the problems that you are facing.  Seek out others in your community that may have gone through these same issues.  Don't do this alone!  Individual or family counseling will help you in learning how to effectively communicate with your child and find peace in the decisions that you will have to make in regard to his behavior.

DO RESEARCH ON PARENTING TIPS
You are not alone and much has been written to help you.  Your community may have a Christian counselor that has some material on some programs that you can get involved in to help you work out your particular situation.

DISCUSSION WITH YOUR FAMILY DOCTOR
Is there a need for medical intervention?  Psychiatric issues that may require hospitalization?  You should be open and honest with your family doctor and ask for advice from a medical point of view. 

MOVE TO A NEW AREA
Is the problem based upon his environment, where friends and other circumstances have created a situation that cannot be corrected unless you isolate your child from that environment?  Some parents have done just that, moved to a new area to escape the peer elements.

FAMILY INTERVENTION
Is it time to ask your family to help you?  Perhaps they can help you get immediate help, especially if you feel that you are unable to cope with the crisis.  If you feel that you may hurt your child, please call your minister, a family member or a friend. 

RESIDENTIAL PROGRAMS
In some cases, the answer may be a residential program, where the child is removed from the situation. 

 

CONSIDER THE PEACE PLAN FOR A FAMILY CONFERENCE:

UNDERSTANDING THE NEED VERSUS THE WANT
When dealing with people and the emotions that come from misunderstandings, sometimes we need to take a breath and think about what is really important, the WANT or the NEED.

SILLY STORY
A silly and child like story that can explain the importance of setting down and talking about what you really need, versus what you want explains the concept.

Company A has a plan to cure Cancer and can do this IF ONLY that can have every single ORANGE on the earth so that they can develop their medicine.

Company B also needs every single ORANGE on Earth to make their medicine that will cure AIDS. 

Both Companies have been arguing the importance of each of their work and trying to appeal to the public that each has the most important task at hand.  In our fictional story, the world court has hired a mediator to set down with both companies and try to work out a solution.

THE MEDIATOR ASKS
Exactly what do you do with these ORANGES that produces the compound that you need to make your medicine?

COMPANY A RESPONDS
We take the Juice and Meat of the ORANGE and process it to develop a highly concentrated formula that we then refine even further for the base product to cure Cancer.  We need ALL of the Oranges now! 

COMPANY B RESPONDS
Our process is to take the Rhine of the ORANGE and grind it up into a powder that we then process into the formula that can build a vaccine for AIDS.  We can cure AIDS in a year if we have all of the ORANGES now!

AND THE MEDIATOR SMILES!
Why don't Company A process the Rhine from all of the ORANGES and then ship that by-product to Company B so that they can have what they NEED!

As it turns out, each had a WANT that required them to BELIEVE that they alone needed all of the ORANGES in the world, but the NEED was quite different.

TEENAGERS OFTEN CONFUSE OUR WANTS WITH NEEDS
THIS IS AN IDEA YOU CAN TRY



MEDIATION AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Ask someone to help you have a family conference and mediate the emotions that will follow.  You should try to follow an organized plan of action to bring everyone together.  The PEACE PLAN outlined below is a way to stay focused.

TALK with each other! Keeping in mind that things are not always the same from everyone's perspective.   Remember the 5 steps to peace.

P. PLAN a conference
E. EMPATHIZE with the students feelings. LISTEN!
A. ATTACK THE PROBLEM...not the person
C. COOPERATE as much as possible
E. EMPHASIZE Reconciliation with the relationship.

Seven Rules to remember:
1. Never compare
2. Never blame
3. Never demand
4. Never threaten
5. Never belittle
6. Never interrupt
7. Never confuse the issue


BE COMFORTABLE..BE READY...BE CALM
Everyone should have pen ad paper to make notes and recognize that people are going to have to speak honestly in order to solve the problem.  Everyone must have an opportunity to examine the other's position.

THE MARK OF AN EDUCATED INDIVIDUAL IS THE ABILITY TO CONSIDER
A CONCEPT THAT THEY ARE COMPLETELY AGAINST.


START BY RELATING THE PROBLEM...
Vocalize each side's position.  Ask them if they are comfortable with the way that you have outlined their position.  "Do they think that you understand their position?"

ASK EACH PARTY IF WE CAN SOLVE THIS PROBLEM
Do the participants set down with an open mind?  Are they willing to discuss the issue and try to work out a solution?  You will need to ask this question immediately after the problem is stated.  If everyone isn't willing to discuss the issue then there can't be a successful conclusion.  STOP the meeting if you can't discuss it.  The Student will have to move.

LET EACH SIDE SPEAK WITHOUT INTERRUPTION
Ask all parties to allow the other side to speak without interruptions so that they can have freedom to explain their position.  Each will have an opportunity to talk.


ASK THEM TO EXPLAIN THEIR POSITION
Why do they feel this way?  What do they see is the answer? 
Use reflective questions to quote back to them what you understand that they said and make sure that this is how they perceive their statement.

ASK THE OTHER SIDE TO EXAMINE THE OTHER'S POSITION
After hearing the logics behind the other position, ask the listening party to think about what the other side has said and consider if this is something that we can work with.

REMEMBER THE NEED VERSUS THE WANT
It's important to attempt to let the parties decide a conclusion, reminding them to think about what they really NEED versus what they WANT.  Can this be worked out?



 

 

 

 

1

Troubled Teenager Warning Signs

Your teen refuses to abide by anything you say or request, and his or her resulting behaviors put your teen or your family in danger or high risk leading to constant fear or stress in the home.

   
2

Your teen is displaying behavior that is a marked change from what has been normal (sleeping little or too long, forgetfulness, lack of motivation, aggression, depression, anxiety, grades slipping, hating what they once loved or loving what they once hated, always wanting to be with friends or away from home, or avoiding friends altogether and spending too much time alone).

   
3

Your teen has become increasingly disrespectful, dishonest, disobedient and openly displays rebellion, no longer veiling his or her feelings or caring about the consequences.

   
4

There is a blatant ignorance or profound rebellion toward the boundaries, Belief System or rules of the home. This can be shown in passive aggressiveness or open defiance that is unusually excessive for your teen.

   
5

There are outright or veiled threats of suicide, or self-mutilation/cutting, excessive risk-taking, dangerous drug use or blatant sexual promiscuity--seemingly a loss of a conscience or moral compass.

   
6

Treatment by your teen of people, pets, or belongings is threatening or out of control.

   
7

Your teen thinks he or she is the center of your family and shows blatant disregard for the feelings of other family members, their time or their possessions.

   
8 Months of counseling is providing little or no positive progress for your teen.
   
9

Your teen refuses to do anything with the family and displays a growing hatred for the family.

   
10

You cannot keep your teen away from peers who are obviously leading a lifestyle counter to your beliefs and your teen is buying into their destructive behavior and attitudes.
 

   
 

SCORE: ________

If your teen exhibits 5 or more of these signs, you may want to consider an alternative to what is happening now.
 

 

 

 

CALL US WITH YOUR QUESTIONS:
Sunbelt Christian Youth Ranch is not a treatment program.  We are a residential facility that offers a stable home environment, away from the pressures of the public school and hurts of the past.  We work at mending the child's past by helping them to realize that it is in the past; we work at minding their future by helping them achieve success by hard work, and we try to work at molding their future by providing them the love and support so that they can become stable productive citizens.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO INVESTIGATE A PLACEMENT AT SUNBELT, COMPLETE THIS FORM NOW

 

Sunbelt Christian Youth Ranch
8782 Old Highway 80
| Lake, Mississippi | 39092
601-775-3498
 


Creative Cyber Innovations